


Bad Hacks

by Mystrana



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky masturbates a lot in this one, Humor, M/M, Modern AU, Really bad life hacks, Touch of identity porn, bucky pov, porn with the appropriate amount of plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-28 18:23:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21141161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystrana/pseuds/Mystrana
Summary: Bucky hadn't meant to get into any sort of internet infamy when he threw a '10 Ways to Repurpose an Old Toothpaste Tube' video up on YouTube, but here he is. He puts up the videos, and people go crazy trying to explain exactly how useless his useless "life hacks" are.And then someone starts uploading response videos, and that's when things get really interesting.





	Bad Hacks

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is dedicated to the absolutely ridiculous "life hack" videos that have been floating around my facebook feed. Why do they exist???
> 
> Written on my phone in hurried bursts during Camp Nano, I honestly had no clue what I put on the page and editing this was actually quite fun. I have written some of my best lines ever here; hope you're all prepared.
> 
> Thanks to [Agentcoop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentCoop/pseuds/AgentCoop/works) for the beta!
> 
> Enjoy!

"And that's a wrap on '5 Uses For a Condom That Aren't Sex!'" Bucky hit the upload button and grinned at his computer, already excited for the comments and reactions he was bound to get.

He hadn't meant to get into any sort of internet infamy when he threw a '10 Ways to Repurpose an Old Toothpaste Tube' video up on YouTube, but here he was. He put up the videos without showing his face or voice, and people went crazy trying to explain exactly how useless his useless "life hacks" were. 

There were always a handful of people insisting that everyone "had to try this" and that "this is so smart!" too. Bucky didn't know what to make of them. As he told Sam over their weekly lunch the next day, he assumed that they, too, were just being facetious and everything was just a giant circle wank of sarcasm. 

“It has to be,” Bucky said, “because the alternative is that CinnamonBlush2004 is seriously planning to go to the store, buy a condom, and attempt to use it as a water balloon.” 

“I mean,” Sam said, waving one of his sweet potato fries to make his point, “yeah, they probably are going to go grab a nearby condom and give it a try. Might even buy a whole box, try all of them.”

They were in the middle of Sam’s favorite lunch spot, the Black Widow. Despite the rather intense name, the place was amazing.

Bucky’s pastrami sandwich, for example, was perfect. “I just don’t want to think about it. I mean, I assume that by the time they see me showing how to use a condom to store travel size amounts of shampoo, no one is still thinking this is for real. Right?” 

“Right. Except now there’s someone out there who’s going to go through airport security with seven condoms filled with lotions and creams and some goddamned TFA agent is going to be holding up seven filled condoms with this look on their face.” Sam demonstrated with his patented _ what is this shit _ face. He was very, very good at it. “They’re going to trace the advice back to your video, check your IP address, arrest you for, damn, I don’t know, annoyance of a government agent or something, and you’ll never upload another video again.”

“Sometimes I get the feeling that you don’t want me to succeed,” Bucky joked. He swiped a sweet potato fry off of Sam’s plate. 

Sam helped himself to a handful of Bucky’s chips with a shrug. “Some of us just do the 9-5 grind, some of us fill condoms with fluids. It’s a living.”

It was. 

“Sure, it doesn’t come with the boring things like _ benefits _ and _ insurance _, but it does have the exciting rush of personal fulfillment when comments started pouring in. Let’s see your work at the VA do that!” Bucky grinned, crossing his arms in a proud victory pose.

“Let me just get a hold of the, oh, I don’t know, at least one hundred veterans I’ve helped connect to important, life saving services,” Sam shot back. “Then we’ll talk, Mr. Youtube.”

Bucky nodded as he talked through a piece of rye bread. “I’ve got 17.8 thousand followers. What’s your count, again?”

Sam ignored the attempt at a dig with finesse. “So what’s next on the docket? Surely you’re going to run out of ideas and be forced into a life of drudgery before the year is out.”

“Ok, picture this,” Bucky said, putting down his sandwich so he could span his hands out. “You’ve just made some baked potatoes. They’re all covered in foil, popping and sizzling. They smell great. You eat one now, but you want to save one for later. You’ve got no tupperware available. It’s all in the sink. You need to store the thing though, so you get out a new square of foil, and wrap it around the potato. Bam.”

“Oh my god.” Sam groaned. “I can’t believe you made me listen to that with my own ears. So your 'hack,' and trust me when I say I use that word _ very _ lightly, is to put a second piece of foil around the potato.”

“Isn’t it great?” Bucky couldn’t help but laugh. “It's physically impossible not to react! It’s going to be my best video yet.”

Sam finished off his handful of sweet potato fries. “I can’t believe this gets you enough hits to make a living.”

Their waitress stopped by the table to drop off the bill, and Bucky grabbed it. “That’s right, check it out. Paying for your lunch with that sweet, sweet ad money.”

Sam shook his head, but he was smiling. “Next time’s on me, pal.”

*

It was 10:30pm on a Tuesday when things got weird. Bucky was on his laptop browsing the internet for cringe-worthy hack ideas when he got a notification of several new comments being added to one of his videos. Always interested in seeing what discourse had been borne from his videos, Bucky clicked through to see a handful of the regular comments followed by something odd.

**StvRgrs74** : _ interesting video! I was inspired to try a few of these amazing hacks and definitely am impressed. Check it out _ ** _here!_ **

Bucky went ahead and clicked through the link, contemplating what sort of video the guy had made. He expected a quick little rant of disbelief that any of the hacks were really hacks or maybe a half-hearted attempt to try the hack in question.

The video opened with a tight shot of a guy standing behind a table. He was, objectively, gorgeous; his blue eyes practically sparkled on camera, his hair was gloriously messy, and damn–he was built. Not that it really mattered how the guy looked, but it was the first thing Bucky noticed. And the second thing. And the third thing. 

The fourth thing was when the guy started talking in a voice that sounded so rich and magical, like eating brownies for dinner.

Bucky was enamored with the guy's face, his shoulders, his chest. With as much time as the guy must be spending at the gym daily, Bucky wasn’t even sure when he’d found a minute to make a video at all.

Maybe between bench presses.

Bucky wiped the not quite literal drool from the corner of his mouth and tried to pay attention to the video.

Amazingly hot guy was saying something about hacks and life hacks and how he tries life hacks for fun just to see if he can replicate the results, before he turned around just a little bit to grab something from the corner of the table, and Bucky was devastated. 

Amazingly hot guy had a shoulder to waist ratio that made Bucky want to cry. He was just so dang beautiful that it bordered on unreal.

Bucky shoved his hand in his mouth when the guy pulled out a handful of condoms. Even though he knew what was most likely happening next, Bucky was enthralled by the way **StvRgrs74** handled the little foil packets, tearing open one with deft, strong fingers.

"Now in the original, we saw condoms being used as a sandwich bag. I suspect that some excellent editing went on behind the scenes because, as you can see, I have a condom–unlubricated, just in case any of you are crazy enough to try this–and a sandwich, and it’s not looking promising. Let's do this."

Bucky didn't really care what words came out of the guy's mouth as long as he kept talking. His voice was seriously hitting the exact right frequency to settle deep in his groin. He'd listen to the guy reading the dictionary and beg for more.

So, ok, maybe he needed to listen to Sam and get out more.

The guy was stretching the rim of the condom with his long fingers. Bucky would be lying if he didn't notice a sudden, increased blood flow to a vital area in his pants. **StvRgrs74** kept stretching the condom, working it in several directions, and Bucky wondered for just a moment if he had stumbled onto the fetish part of youtube. But no, the guy was still talking about life hacks.

"Now we've prepared the condom. The original video showed about three stretches, and I've done eight."

Yes, yes he had. Bucky watched, fascinated, as the guy took the sandwich off the plate and tried to shove it in the condom. 

It did not fit.

Bucky couldn't help but laugh. This was absolutely ridiculous. Why was he watching this again? The super tight shirt definitely had something to do with it. Clearly the guy got those shirts tailored; there was no way he could get something off the rack to fit those huge shoulders and tiny waist. And Bucky hadn't even started waxing poetic on his sizeable chest. His dick practically surged at the thought of wrapping his hands around those pecs, and he went a little lightheaded as his entire blood supply headed south.

Oh my god. He was about to consider jacking off to some guy who made a video specifically to make fun of his_ own _ video. Which Bucky had made to make fun of useless hacks, making this some sort of hilarious circle jerk. 

Oh but he'd love to jerk off that guy. In a circle, square, pentagon...whatever he wanted. **StvRgrs74** was now shoving the sandwich into the condom. It was pretty hilarious considering there really was no way to put a sandwich in a condom. Bucky had doctored a sandwich bag to look like a condom for his video.

"And there you have it," came the ridiculously perfect voice again in that exact register to make Bucky shiver, and no, Bucky wasn't swooning, thank you very much. "No chance this sandwich is going into the condom." 

He plucked out a crumpled mess of bread and meat from the condom and made a face. Even pulling a face, he was still the most beautiful man Bucky had laid his eyes on.

"Moving on, let's go to these condoms that I filled with some body wash and shampoo." 

This absolute asshole of a man pulled out several condoms, obscenely stretched full of supposed toiletries. Bucky's cock snapped back to attention; it hadn’t really gone down from attention, so what happened was more like a painful reminder that he was still incredibly hard from watching a guy on the internet shove a sandwich into a condom.

Bucky stared, mesmerized at the pendulous sway of the condom as this vision of a human being turned it upside down and tried to squeeze the body wash out. A few drops oozed out.

**StvRgrs74** spoke again in his lovely voice. "If you like wasting copious amounts of your toiletries, then go ahead and try this. Otherwise, I recommend sticking to the typical travel size bottles."

Bucky stared, watching in awe as **StvRgrs74** continued to go through the hacks. By the end of the eight minute video, Bucky had the most confused boner of his life, including the one time he'd gotten a hard-on from watching someone pretending to sink in quicksand.

The video ended with a promise to continue to expose the "life hacks industry." Bucky clicked through to the guy's profile and saw that this was the only video he had uploaded. He had a little bio that mentioned his name was Steve. 

"Well, Steve," Bucky said to his computer, well aware that this _ Steve _ couldn't actually see or hear him. "I guess we're going to be at odds."

But first, the very uncomfortable bulge in his pants insisted on Bucky’s attention. It wasn't his proudest moment as he hit replay on Steve's video to listen to his deep voice. There was something almost commanding in his tone that had Bucky thrilled. He slipped a hand down below his waist, worked open the button on his jeans and tugged at his zipper. 

There were some benefits to working in bed, Bucky thought as he slid his pants off. He settled back on his sheets and, ignoring the content of Steve's rant, luxuriated in the tone. It wasn't hard at all to imagine that voice speaking against his skin, the words pressed on his neck. Bucky groaned softly, taking his cock in hand and running his fingers across the head. He fucked up into his fist dry, his dick warm under his fingers.

The video got to the part where Steve turned to the side, and Bucky hummed his appreciation, fumbling to smash the space bar and pause it on that delicious image. And to grab some lube.

Lube in hand, he slicked up his hand and palmed his dick again. The wet, warm slide of his hand on his cock was heavenly, and he just couldn’t stop staring at Steve's shoulders, his chest–fuck, that _ chest _–and, oh, his ass was delightful too. Rounder than he would have thought for how small his waist was. Those pants had to be tailored too, because they hugged every bit of those curves and tapered over his thighs like magic. 

Bucky imagined wrapping his hands around those hips and nearly choked at the surge of desire that pulsed through his dick. Yeah, ok, that was a good thought. He'd just hold on for dear life while that god of a man did whatever he wanted with him. It was a shame that "whatever he wanted" happened to be making fun of Bucky's life hacks, but whatever. There was time to be upset about that later.

Right now, Bucky's dick was impossibly hot under his hand, the thick length hard as a brick wall and yeah, it was just his hand and his dick and they'd met more than once before, but this time was all the better thanks to one **StvRgrs74** . Bucky closed his eyes, imagined that Steve was standing over him and breathed out. “Oh god,” Bucky murmured, his voice breathless. “Do whatever you want to me, Steve. _ Fuck _.” Bucky's pleasure crested, his cum spurting out in hot waves. A few moments of blissful completion later, an itch of ‘this is ridiculous and I probably shouldn’t do that again,’ crept up his spine. Bucky grabbed a kleenex and cursed when he saw he’d somehow gotten cum on his laptop. 

Maybe Sam was right. Maybe he didn't get out enough.

*

They got into a bit of a rhythm, even if Steve was only aware of the video part of it. Bucky would upload a video. Steve would upload a response.

Bucky would jerk off to every angle of Steve’s amazing body and voice and tell himself he wasn’t going to do it again.

And then they’d repeat.

Last week it was 7 Ways to Reuse Office Supplies wherein he'd demonstrated ridiculous second lives for paperclips, rubber bands, and used staples. Steve had gamely tried each "hack" with rising ire in a shirt tight enough to choke a lesser man.

This week, it was 3 Off-Brand Uses For Metamucil. Bucky had channeled his inner 90 year old and had a lot of fun with the video. He couldn't wait to see what Steve brought to the table in his response video.

Except, that week, there wasn't a response video. Bucky checked his email, checked his video comments, and checked that he was still subscribed to **StvRgrs74**. No email, no comment with a link, no new videos at all.

"It's not like he owes me a video," Bucky tried to explain to Sam as they sat down at their weekly lunch. "It's just that I thought we had something going there, you know? I uploaded something ridiculous, he got annoyed about it in response, and that was the way it went."

Sam shrugged. "Sounds like you stumped him with metamucil. Hey. I have my friend visiting from DC and offered to have him meet us here for lunch. Is that ok with you?"

Bucky, still hung up on why **StvRgrs74 **hadn't uploaded anything given the low hanging fruit of bad fiber hacks, just nodded. "Sounds great. He's a friend of yours, he's probably bound to be an axe murderer or something."

"Serial killer, yeah," Sam joked with an exaggerated eye roll. "Oh, there he is! Hey, Steve!"

Steve. The name hit Bucky and then, the voice.

**StvRgrs74** stood in front of them in the very well formed flesh. "Hi Sam. Hey, you must be Bucky. Sam's said a lot about you."

Bucky tried not to squeak. Steve was even easier on the eyes in person and his voice was exactly as velvety. Bucky tried to remember how to speak. 

Relying on that old trick that looking at someone's forehead to fake eye contact, Bucky managed a "Good to meet you Steve" that almost came out in completely clear and regular tones. He didn't dare stare at Steve's chest–apparently Steve wore tight fitting shirts all of the time–but he didn't dare make actual eye contact either.

He compensated with a huge gulp of water as Steve sat down next to Sam in the booth.

Bucky had never been more thankful that he had never revealed his face or spoken in his videos, though he did think it was a little unfair that he knew who Steve was and Steve didn't. But that was the price of showing your face online, he tried to console himself with. 

As they picked up their menus, the realization popped into Bucky’s head: did Sam know the whole fucking while that Bucky’d been jerking off to his friend? Bucky snapped his menu down on the table. "You waited for the last minute to tell me, didn't you?" He accused, letting the second part of his accusation hang in the air, that Sam knew exactly what Steve was doing to Bucky’s pants right now..

Steve looked from Bucky to Sam with curiosity, but Sam merely shrugged. 

"Nah, man. Steve doesn't always have a ton of time free when he's visiting, so when he said he was available for lunch, I had to take the opportunity." Sam's nonchalance was killing Bucky, literally killing him. 

Somehow Bucky managed to nod. “Makes sense.”

“It’s going to be better than that,” Steve said, obviously excited to share some news. His blue eyes sparkled like the goddamn ocean in the middle of the day, and Bucky couldn’t tear his eyes away if he wanted to. “I accepted the position they offered and I’ll be moving back to New York full time.”

“Damn, man! Congratulations!” Sam grinned, hand up for a high five and then pulling Steve into a hug. 

Bucky pouted, wishing he had an excuse to also hug Steve, but _ we met literally like five minutes ago _ probably would make it a bit weird.

That, and the fact that he’d jacked off to Steve more times than he cared to count. (It was five times. Six if he counted the time that he was jerking off for the fun of it and imagined Steve out of nowhere right before he came.)

“Sounds like it’s a good thing. Congratulations,” Bucky offered. Every breath they spent in the same space was simultaneously amazing and also terrifying. God. What if Sam had told Steve all about his channel? How had Sam kept this a goddamn secret for so long?

Their waitress came over for their orders and Bucky immediately ordered a beer. This was definitely a drinking lunch sort of situation.

“So, uh, what’ll you be doing?” Bucky asked, determined to keep the conversation away from himself. He could practically feel Sam’s grin.

Steve ducked his head, laughing a little. “It’s going to sound stupid. But I have a YouTube channel and I’m going to be making content videos for NYSCI as well as working for their outreach department in person.”

“Trust me,” Bucky heard himself saying, almost automatically. “I know that YouTube is a completely viable job.” He wanted to shove the words back in his mouth.

“Yeah, but without insurance or benefits,” Steve said, reminding Bucky of the very words he’d spoken those long, long weeks back. “I’ll have both with this new position.”

“Nothing keeping you in DC?” Bucky asked. God, he needed to SHUT UP. But Sam was sitting there like a cat in the canary cage, waiting for a lull in the conversation to direct the conversation to Bucky’s line of work. Bucky was sure of it.

Steve shook his head. “It’s just where I ended up out of college. I’m originally from New York, so it wasn’t too hard of a decision. Honestly, I never thought Sam would beat me up here first, but here we are.”

“Sometimes,” Sam said, staring pointedly at Bucky, “it just works out that way.”

Bucky tore his eyes off of Steve and stared back at Sam. “Oh. Does it, Sam? Or is that only in the cases where you orchestrate grand plans of--”

The waitress chose that moment to come back, and Bucky sat back down in the booth. He apologized after they gave her their orders. “Sorry. I got a little carried away.”

“It’s cool.” Sam gave him the official wave of forgiveness. “I’ve been enjoying your face so much for the past however long we’ve been sitting here that I don’t even care.”

Steve looked from Sam to Bucky again with a smile and those goddamned twinkling blue eyes. “I can’t wait to get to know you better, Bucky. Get in on some of these inside jokes.”

For a moment, Bucky’s heart fluttered. Steve wanted to be friends? Get to know him better? Then his heart plummeted down to somewhere inside his shoes. Steve would find out what Bucky did for a living and regret everything. Bucky had to tell him before he found out.

Bucky opened his mouth and shut it. Now Steve and Sam were both staring at him, waiting for him to say something. “Sam and I are on a certain wavelength. You might never calibrate, but don't take it personally."

"It does seem to be a unique wavelength," Steve agreed. "Maybe I'll use it in my physics videos."

"Won't be the first time Bucky helped with your videos," Sam said, his eyes shining with the picture of innocence.

Bucky squawked, a little indignantly, but Steve was already going on. “See, just like that. Give me a few weeks of getting settled in and I’ll understand at least half of your inside jokes. Bucky, I feel like I’ve already known you for awhile here with how much Sam’s said. I really do hope we can be friends.” 

Now Bucky wondered if the restaurant was sneakily pumping out the oxygen in the room, because he was beginning to go a little lightheaded. If Steve knew about his videos, he wouldn’t keep saying this.

“I assure you,” he said, trying to keep from squeaking. “I’m not nearly as glamorous as Sam might have painted me out to be.”

The waitress brought their food and Steve thanked her before turning back to Bucky. “Maybe, maybe not. Go ahead. Tell me about yourself.”

Bucky sucked in a breath. If he wasn’t mistaken, Steve was flirting. Bucky knew how to handle flirting. He knew how to flirt. He just hadn’t ever read the chapter about flirting with the guy who makes response videos to his bad lifehack videos. Or the subchapter about what to do when he’s already furiously masturbated multiple times to the living god of a human being in front of him. 

Who was now flirting with him. Or at least, was, until he realized what a disaster Bucky could be. Thinking quickly, Bucky bought some time by complimenting Steve’s sandwich choice. When the merits of a good rye ran dry, Bucky was better prepared. 

“So, I do freelance videography for a living,” he said, proud of himself for bending the truth properly. Sam snorted from across the table, but Bucky was not going to let him bring down his stylish lie.

“Oh, that’s great,” Steve said. “So I can count on you to help me record my stuff for NYSCI?”

Before Bucky knew what he was saying, he blurted out, “Like you need help! Your camera angles are always perfect. Do you do them yourself?”

Steve cocked his head at an angle and put down his sandwich. “I didn’t know you’ve seen my videos. I’ve just got these little reviews up right now. Making fun of lifehack videos, you know. Well I guess you do know, if you’ve seen them.”

“Yeah. Sam mentioned it. One day. There was a day that Sam mentioned it and I checked it out and yeah.” Bucky closed his mouth to staunch the word vomit and attempted an easy smile. Judging from Steve’s reaction, the smile wasn’t as distended and desperate as it felt. 

“That’s me,” Sam said with that goddamn infuriating innocent smile. “Always mentioning things.”

“I do have my own camera set up to record myself,” Steve said. “But it wouldn’t hurt to have a competent, cute camera guy following me around instead.”

He winked at Bucky, and Bucky screamed. Internally. Here was this tower of a man, this absolute specimen practically jumping into his lap, and he’d already found a way to fuck it up before it began. 

“I’d love to help out if I can,” Bucky said. His food was getting cold on his plate, and he forgot to swat at Sam’s hand as Sam stole some of his chips. 

“Great. Here, let me get my phone out. Give me your number. Here, wait just a second. Ok.” Steve flashed another brilliant smile, and Bucky was helpless. He recited his phone number, pausing at the last digit to make sure he hadn’t misremembered. A few seconds later, his phone pinged with a text. “That should be me!”

Bucky checked his phone. Sure enough, Steve had texted him a little winky face. Bucky couldn’t help but shake his head. “Ok, that’s you. I’m saving your info right now.”

“And, tada,” Sam said. “This is the part where you guys thank me for everything I’ve done.”

“You know you’re the best, Sam,” Steve said, directing his amazing smile at Bucky.

“Yeah.” Bucky said through gritted teeth. “The absolute best.” He kept the “asshole” part of the comment to himself. 

After all, it wasn’t Sam’s fault that Steve was so goddamn perfect. It wasn’t just the voice or the pecs or the shoulders. As they talked during lunch, it was his sense of humor–something Bucky had already noticed from the videos, but hearing it in person was even better. Steve could make up a joke on the fly, and had both him and Sam in stitches multiple times while they ate.

By the time their plates were empty, it was almost hard to remember that Steve was going to hate Bucky when he found out who he really was. 

“So I’ll give you a text, maybe we can hang out sometime soon?” Steve asked. He kept smiling at Bucky like he actually liked him, and it was the worst. Bucky wanted to blurt out every secret he was hiding and run forever, until Steve had given up on trying to get a date.

Instead, his traitor mouth agreed. “Yeah. But don’t let me take away from your Sam time! He’s such a good friend to have.” At least Bucky could turn his saccharine sweet smile Sam’s way.

Maybe Steve was a little surprised when Sam gave Bucky the finger, but the way he laughed had Bucky feeling like maybe Steve already knew how Sam and Bucky went at it. Steve was, after all, one of Sam’s friends.

Steve had stood up to go, when he paused. “Oh! Do you have a website? A portfolio I can check out with your videos?” 

Bucky’s blood went cold, his head a little fuzzy as he scrambled to seem natural. “Yeah. Of course I do. Uh. I’ll text you a link later this afternoon! Wow, look at the time, I gotta go, bye Sam, Steve.” He returned Sam’s finger. “Thanks for paying.”

And then Bucky turned tail and ran out of the Black Widow.

*

_ B:SAM WILSON u absolute asshole when did you figure out that he was the same steve why are you doing this to me_

_ B:I stg _

_ B:You could have told me! _

_ B:I cannot believe that you would set me up with him _

_ B:… you were trying to set us up, right? _

_ B:Oh my god what if I massively misunderstood the whole situation _

_ B:Gfdi response sam response my life is flashing before my eyes!!!! _

_ B: I honestly don’t know what would be the worst possibility. _

He was just getting ready to chuck his phone across the room in anger, or shame, or a combination of the two, when it buzzed in his hand.

"Some of us can't just drop everything and chat," Sam said in lieu of a greeting, a rather gentle sarcasm riding on his words. 

"I cannot believe you would do this to me," Bucky intoned. 

"Do what, Bucky? Set you up with a hot guy who, by the way, seems to be into you too?"

"But did you tell him about my videos? Did you tell him how hot I've been for him?" Bucky knew he was pacing his apartment, but he couldn't stop. "Sam I have told you _ thoughts _ I have had about him because I didn't think I would ever meet him. And you knew!"

"Ok, let me be square with you," Sam said, his voice settling into something that was somewhat apologetic. "When you first started going on about the videos, I didn't know it was my Steve we were talking about. And I had already been talking to him about you before that. You know, the ‘I’ve got a single, hot friend who’d love to meet you’. Steve had already asked me to come meet you before I put two and two together."

"A likely story," Bucky groused, but he sighed, somewhat appeased. "Tell me what to do, Sam? I'm going to fuck this up, aren't I?"

Sam was most assuredly shrugging over the phone. “I think the sooner you tell him what you actually do for a living, the better.”

It was an answer Bucky didn’t want to hear, but also an answer he knew he needed to hear. He considered his odds of Steve sleeping with him at least once before Steve found out and left him. 

Before Bucky could say anything, Sam was already talking again. “Look, Steve doesn’t have a problem with casual hook ups, but he tends to go all in; he wants a relationship. Don’t sit there convincing yourself that it’s worth banging him once and then telling him.”

“God damn Sam, how do you read my mind? Why aren’t we dating?” Bucky asked.

“Because I would probably burn your dinners on purpose. It’s just the way it is. I love you, man, but I’m not in love with you.”

Bucky smiled fondly at his phone. “Right back at you.”

He ended the call full of resolve. Who cared how many times he had fantasized about spreading Steve's ass and eating him out? Or playing with his tits until one of them came? He could do this. He could just be upfront and tell Steve and hope to hell that Steve didn't laugh at him until the new year.

He attempted to type out a text message with a URL to his website, and froze. Sending the videos by text didn't seem like the best idea. He needed to be able to do damage control in real time. So the question was, did he do it in a public place where hopefully Steve wouldn't yell or look too disappointed in him, or did he just bite the bullet and invite Steve over and let Steve have whatever reaction he wanted to have.

His hand shaking more than he wanted to admit, he typed out a message.

_ B: wasnt sure how long you are in town. Is dinner tonight a possibility? _

Then he hit send and waited an eternity. He got up, paced the apartment again, half heartedly checked his emails, stared into space for what seemed like an hour and then checked the time. Message sent five minutes ago.

Ok, he needed a good distraction while he waited for Steve to respond. Steve probably was doing real adult things like filling out paperwork or looking for an apartment or whatever people did when they moved states.

Bucky's brain helpfully suggested a warm shower and a generous amount of slippery soap on his dick, but somehow he managed to resist the urge. For now.

Another five minutes went by. Just as Bucky was about to give in to his base desires and go masterbate in the shower, his phone buzzed. He actually_ dove _ for the phone. Steve's name was on his lockscreen along with the first few words of his return text and Bucky could barely swipe his passcode to unlock the phone.

He managed. For Steve, he would manage anything.

_ S:hey! I have plans tonight but how about tomorrow? _

Bucky worried his bottom lip. If five minutes waiting for an answer felt like hours, then waiting twenty four hours to tell Steve everything would be an eternity.

_ B: sounds great! _

He resolved to be strong and patient and plan his next video while he waited. Instead, he thought about Steve's chest, remembered how tight his shirt was, and the curve of his ass while he walked…

He was already half hard.

Surely he could distract himself with his current project–four perfect hacks for your worn out sheets. He even sat down and opened his laptop for research.

And then he started thinking about Steve in the sheets and he was a total goner. God, he thought as he tried to ignore the warm, aching pressure in his pants. It would be so much easier to do this if Steve wasn't so incredible in person too. He seemed so thoughtful. Friendly. Creative. Basically everything Bucky could want in a guy.

There was no way he’d be able to reciprocate.

Bucky gritted his teeth and browsed a few websites. He even almost managed to come up with a fifth sheet hack, but his brain just kept diverting blood to his dick and it was getting impossible to ignore.

He'd just unzip his pants. Take them off. He was planning on staying in for the evening anyhow. He’d just relieve a little of the pressure. But when he pushed down his jeans, his dick popped up, aching to be touched. Bucky teased himself with a few strokes before deciding to get in the shower. He nearly crashed into the bathtub trying to get out of his shirt and start the water and keep touching himself all at the same time, but he managed to work it out.

The water warmed up while he stood on the tile floor and ran fingertips across his nipples, tweaking gently. He closed his eyes, imagined Steve's capable hands and fingers on his chest and his breathing went harsh, audible over the rush of water behind him. 

Bucky checked the water with his other hand. Just warm enough. He stepped in, the spray soaking the tips of his hair as he eased his body under the showerhead. The warmth spread into his already warm muscles, a comfortable heat to relax into. 

Palming a pump of soap, Bucky wrapped his fingers around his dick again and groaned. The slide of his fist on his too-sensitive cock was already building into a very pleasant crescendo. He wasn't about to edge himself in the shower anyhow and use up all the hot water. 

Bucky gripped himself harder and thrust into his soapy fingers. He flicked his nipple again. A beautiful burst of fiery pain shot down from his chest to his groin and he couldn't help his gasp. He knew just how to pull the reddening bud until it was sending rolling bouts of pleasure through his body. His skin was slippery, warm and wet, every bit of him humming with the build up of enjoyment. 

His cock ached, fuller and fuller with each thrust into his fist. His fingers were sore from his tight hold, but it was worth the exquisite pressure building underneath them. Bucky leaned back against the cool tile for support, dropping his other hand from his nipples to his balls. He dug dull fingernails into that sensitive skin and cried out. 

He paused, heaving in great humid breaths and, when he could almost breathe normally again, he dug in his fingernails again, his knees threatening to buckle beneath him as he came. Cum spilled through his fingers leaking out and down to the tub. He lost himself in the slide of his fingers on his skin as his cum pulsed out in more overwhelming waves.

Bucky stayed there against the tile for a few moments, catching his breath and waiting for the blood to come back home to his brain. With his brain back online came the worry that Steve would call off their date when he learned Bucky's secret. As he finished a cursory shower, he consoled himself that at least he was pretty good at getting himself off.

He'd have more fun with Steve there too, he suspected.

*

The next day dragged on like he was trying to walk the distance from New York to DC with an anchor around his waist. Nothing he did helped distract him from his upcoming faceoff with Steve. As the hours drew nearer and nearer to their date, he realized he still didn't even know how to bring it up. 

Had it already been too long? Should he have confessed everything the moment Steve showed up at lunch yesterday?

Bucky texted Sam six more times and then went for a walk outside. He wandered the sidewalks aimlessly, just trying to pass the time without the temptation to get himself off again. Because, his brain was trying to convince him, if he jacked off right before dinner, he'd last longer if they did somehow get to the part where they slept together.

Bucky scolded his mind for thinking they'd get to that part. An eternal optimist, Sam called him, and he wasn't wrong. But Bucky didn't want to build any expectations beyond Steve up and leaving the moment Bucky showed him one of his videos.

He checked the time and thought about meandering over to the VA and bothering Sam in person in between his support groups. Anything to prevent him from going back home and spending the next two hours convincing himself not to rub himself raw. 

Helplessly lost in his thoughts, he turned a corner and smacked right into a solid wall of Steve Rogers.

"Bucky?" Steve tilted his head to acknowledge him. 

And of fucking course, Steve was in yet another perfectly tailored-to-his-every-inch shirt and jeans and Bucky was wearing sweatpants and a dingy t-shirt. At least his hair was clean, combed, and pulled back into a nice bun.

"Hey, Steve," Bucky said, pasting a smile on his face. He couldn't help it; the very air around Steve seemed to brighten as he walked by, even if the sun was behind a cloud.

They blocked people on the sidewalk for a few more seconds as neither knew quite what to say. Apparently, without the buffer of Sam, Steve wasn't quite as slick as he had been at lunch. It actually only made Bucky want him more. After all, it appeared there was a chance that Steve was something approaching human after all and not just a literal god with a gorgeous voice and even more gorgeous ass. 

"Well, I was just–" Bucky began.

At the same time, Steve started saying, "I just finished– "

They both paused. And then they both said, "Go ahead–" 

Steve started to laugh, a sound like cheerful bells. "Ok, come on, let's get out of the way. Are you heading somewhere?"

"Just taking a walk," Bucky confessed as they moved out of the way of foot traffic.

Steve brightened yet again. The sun was still behind clouds, but Steve just seemed to glow so bright that Bucky checked the sky twice. "So does that mean you live around here? I only ask because I just came from my apartment walk through. I'll be just up the block that way."

Oh. Bucky nodded. "Yeah, I'm nearby. Tiny little studio so no roommates, but I'm not living here for the space, that's for sure."

"Ah, the dream. I'll be looking for a roommate before long, I'm sure. But I just left a two bedroom apartment with four guys–and none of us were dating, so it'll be great to have some space for a few months."

Bucky laughed. "Exactly. Give me my '400 sq ft if I count the shared hallway' freedom."

"Yeah. Remind me not to think about how much I'm going to pay for 845 sq ft." Steve smiled at Bucky, and then paused. "Well, uh. It's great to run into you, but don't want to intrude on your walking time here. I know we weren't planning to meet for another hour."

For a moment, it seemed like the sun hid behind another set of clouds as Bucky remembered exactly what he had to do. And he didn't have the strength to send Steve away and wait for him to come back in an hour.

"Did you need to do anything before then?" Bucky asked. He couldn't picture Steve, always in his clinging like a glove clothes, as being unprepared. He wondered if that translated to condoms and lube and–not_ now _, brain, Bucky thought. Not while I'm wearing sweatpants and any hint of a boner will be noticeable in three seconds! He swallowed. "Because if not, if you don't mind swinging by my apartment for a bit, I can get changed and we can just...start the date early."

Bucky looked down at his feet as he spoke the word date into the universe. His sweatpants stared up at him, almost taunting. 

"That sounds great," Steve said, sounding so sincere that Bucky almost wanted to kiss him right then, to try and seduce him for one great fuck before this all went to shit.

"Great," Bucky echoed instead. "I'm just down this way."

"So I get the feeling that Sam didn't tell you nearly as much about me as he did about you to me," Steve said after a few steps. "I didn't mean to surprise you at lunch yesterday and I wanted to apologise."

Bucky was going to die. This was it. Steve was hot, funny, smart, and polite. Bucky could just fall over dead now, content that Steve would, in mourning, never judge him for the videos he had made.

"Oh! Well, Sam can be a shit like that, but it's how he shows his affection. I'm guilty of the same to him." Bucky added, not wanting to sound like he was throwing Sam under the bus.

"Understood. If you have any questions about me, I'm willing to answer them," Steve said.

Bucky fell silent for several steps, considering what he wanted to know and how much he should pry considering that in about twenty minutes, Steve would be gone.

"Ok," he said, as they reached the steps of his apartment. "I've just wondered one thing." He paused to dig his key out of his pocket. "Why response videos? What inspired those?"

Steve laughed again, but instead of bells, this time Bucky wondered if he was hearing the executioner's final call.

"Ok, look. Part of why I'm doing this job for NYSCI is because I want to share knowledge and stop the spread of misinformation. Seemed like a reasonable place to start."

Bucky's ears burned as they walked up the steps. "So you were annoyed by the original videos?"

Steve paused for a moment and considered Bucky as he fiddled with the lock. "Well I guess you could say that."

"But would you…" Bucky had to pause and swallow his pride, to burn his hopes and dreams for a date with Steve, to lose pretty much everything before it began. "Would you consider the creator of those videos to be a bad person? Someone you'd never date?"

"That's a pretty specific question," Steve said slowly. "Are you going somewhere with this?"

Bucky could only wordlessly nod. He stepped past the couch and grabbed his laptop from the table. He opened his laptop and showed it to Steve, his YouTube channel open. 

When Steve didn't say anything right away, he managed to whisper, "Because I'm the creator."

He forced himself to meet Steve's eyes, to watch as he condemned him in real time.

Steve stood there by the door and didn't say anything for another moment and then he burst out laughing, those blue eyes filled with mirth. "I'd ask if you were shitting me, but I very clearly see you are not." He was still laughing in between words, and he took a deep breath. "Wow."

Bucky knew his brow was a knot of worry, but Steve wasn't just turning to leave, so he forced himself to try an uneasy smile. "You… don't hate me?"

"Why would I hate you?" Steve asked, finally able to rein in his laughter. "I should have known." He barked out another laugh. "Sam knew, didn't he?"

Bucky nodded. "Yeah. Like I said, he shows affection by being the worst."

"Or the best," Steve said, suddenly almost shy. He broke eye contact with Bucky, glancing around the room. "I really have been looking forward to getting to meet you after everything he's said. The, uh, questionable work that you do aside."

"Now wait a moment," Bucky said, but he didn't have anything to back himself up. He just smiled. "I provide a very unique niche product. If I hadn't been producing those videos, you wouldn't have had a chance to make yours! I practically got you your job."

Steve's shoulders relaxed as he shook his head. "If you think that I wouldn't have found a dozen more where yours came from…"

"But you picked mine," Bucky said, triumphantly crossing his arms. "All of the awful lifehack videos in the world to choose from and you chose mine."

"Guess I did," Steve said with a smile. "Maybe this dinner date was meant to be." 

Bucky's ears heated for a completely different reason when he saw the way Steve was looking at him. 

"Were you planning on changing out of those, ahem, comfortable pants?" Steve asked. The words were completely innocent, yet somehow Steve's tone managed to set Bucky's body temperature to immolate.

"I was. You wanna help me take them off?" Bucky didn't know where his sudden boldness came from. Probably the relief of Steve not leaving, or maybe the joy of knowing that Steve was honestly interested in him. 

It definitely wasn't the fact that Bucky had imagined Steve naked roughly six thousand and twenty two times since he first saw him.

Steve grinned in a way that had Bucky thinking maybe _ Steve _ had imagined him naked a few times too. 

"Yeah," Steve said, taking a few steps closer to Bucky. "I have to admit, I assume you just wore those sweatpants so all I could think about was seeing you naked."

Bucky tugged at the elastic waistband of his pants. Great for comfortable walks in fall, but not exactly first date material. "Well honestly, I would have worn literally any other of my pants if I had thought I'd see you before our date. They're probably cursed. I'll burn them tonight."

Steve and Bucky stood inches from each other in front of the couch, so when Steve spoke, his words were warm against Bucky's skin.

"Don't burn them. I think they make your dick look huge."

Bucky's cheeks flamed with color at Steve's naughty words, and he found himself speechless. Not wanting Steve to take his wordlessness the wrong way, he reached out, took Steve in his arms and pulled him close.

Sure, Bucky had imagined this on a near endless loop, but it turned out that fantasy wasn't even a fraction as good as reality. Steve's shoulders were firm and broad and just perfect for gripping. Bucky stared into the oceans of expression in Steve's eyes, darkened by his desire, and it hit Bucky like the Hulk; they really were going to do this. Steve wanted it just as much as Bucky did.

Bucky leaned in and closed the distance between their lips, and they kissed for the first time. There was something tentative about it, a probing bit of curiosity as they let their lips meet. Steve's breath was so warm, his lips so soft. Bucky closed his eyes to enjoy the sensations dancing on his skin.

Steve reached around and hooked his fingers under Bucky's shirt, tugging the fabric up.

"Thought we were changing my pants?" Bucky teased in between their little kisses.

Steve brushed his lips against Bucky's jawline. "I'm getting there, I swear."

Real Steve was so much better than Fantasy Steve that Bucky was already weak in the knees. Bucky ran his hands down the soft cotton of Steve's shirt. "How about a shirt for a shirt?"

A tiny part of him was concerned, because he definitely wasn't as built as Steve. But when Steve pulled off Bucky's shirt, he just grinned and pulled him back in for another kiss. 

This time, Steve traced his tongue on Bucky's lips, gently pushing into his mouth. He didn't have to ask twice; Bucky happily let him explore. Steve smelled amazing, some sort of scented shampoo and sunshine. 

Peeling Steve's shirt off was a pleasant treat. Bucky had thought he had a good idea of how good Steve looked, but somehow the shirt had hidden just how amazing. Bucky reached out to touch and hesitated. 

Steve grabbed Bucky's hand and put it right on his chest. "I saw you staring at lunch yesterday," he said with an innocent smile.

Bucky's fingers barely covered the firm muscles of Steve's chest. He traced the curves in awe.

"Honestly, I'm enamored," he murmured, and tried not to mention the number of times he'd came thinking about his chest. His dick perked right up, pressed against Steve's leg.

Steve grinned and slotted his thigh more firmly against Bucky's dick. "I would have never guessed."

Bucky rutted back against Steve, unable to believe this was really happening. "Please tell me you're ok with me fucking you."

Steve grinned and it did things to Bucky's dick, had him desperate to touch himself.

"Wouldn't be here if I wasn't." He slid his fingers underneath Bucky's waistband. "May I see what I'm going to have the pleasure of having shoved inside me?"

Steve voice was low and rough around the edges, and it traveled through Bucky like an electric current. 

"I hope you're not disappointed," Bucky muttered, helping Steve ease the sweatpants down. He stepped out of them and kicked them over to the corner of the room. The action made his cock bounce before coming back to a quivering rest, just a shimmer of precum beaded at the tip.

Steve's smile went from megawatt hot to sincere and sweet. "Wouldn't be possible. And also, damn. Very nice."

Bucky dipped his head in thanks and pulled Steve close again. Their kiss was a little more frantic, a little less coordinated as they fit together, trying to get as much skin contact as possible. Steve's body was firm against Bucky's, his skin heated and his chest pressed up against Bucky's body. A singular desire to run his hands on Steve's chest overtook Bucky and he cupped the whole of each pec and gave a little squeeze. He dragged his thumb over Steve's nipples, watched the buds firm to little peaks. 

They tangled together, both exploring what the other might like. Steve tipped his head down and nipped at Bucky's neck. 

"Oh," Bucky let out a puff of air, his whole world focused on that little sensitive bit of skin. "Do that again?"

Steve complied, his smile pressed against Bucky's skin. He sucked at the indent of Bucky's throat, sweet and gentle at first, a soft tickle that sent tingles of pleasure soaring through Bucky's body. Bucky whined and Steve nipped a little harder, until Bucky was squirming, desperate to never let Steve stop teasing him. His skin bruised under Steve's mouth and Bucky's first thought was how happy he was to have Steve mark him.

"You're going to need a scarf for our date," Steve remarked, as if he hadn't just wrung Bucky out with just his mouth.

Bucky didn't have a comeback in the form of words, so he just got to his knees and looked up at Steve with an angelic smile. "May I?" He tugged at Steve's zipper for emphasis.

Steve nodded, petting Bucky's hair and oh, Bucky could get used to that too. Real Steve was amazing and responsive and Bucky's cock absolutely ached for release as he popped open Steve's button and worked the zipper down with no clue what to expect and--

"Oh my god, you're freeballing it." The realization was overwhelming, just as much as when he tugged down the perfectly tailored pants over Steve's perfectly formed thighs.

The star of the show, Steve's cock was nested in a base of dark gold curls of hair. It was uncut and proud, jutting into the air like a monument. Bucky was mesmerized, especially because it was the perfect length to deepthroat without choking.

Bucky leaned forward, and took Steve's cock in his mouth. The velvety skin was heated and firm and Steve sighed in appreciation above him. Bucky sucked around his cock a few times, exploring another perfect part of Steve.

He slowly took his mouth off of Steve's cock and sat back on his heels long enough to grab Steve's hips and ease him down onto the futon behind them. Steve sat on the edge, his feet planted on the ground for support. Bucky got back on his knees and teased Steve's cock with his tongue until Steve tangled his hand in Bucky's hair.

When Steve's grip got tighter, Bucky eased off again. He waited a few moments and buried his nose in the curls of hair and licked at Steve's balls, sucking one into his mouth and gently rolling it with his tongue. Steve had a lovely musky scent, almost like being outside after it rained, and Bucky loved it already.

Steve groaned as Bucky tongued at his balls, and Bucky looked up at him. Steve was a vision with his heaving chest, his eyes closed and his lips parted. 

Bucky nearly tripped over his feet getting up to kiss Steve again, crushing their lips together and breathing in his warmth. There was no way that this wasn't just the best dream he'd ever had and in the morning he would wake up and Steve would be gone.

The thought snapped Bucky into reality, where a very much real Steve was murmuring something against his skin.

"Are you ok?" Steve asked, a little louder. "All of a sudden, you looked a little scared."

Bucky nodded as his overwhelming desire for Steve sublimated into almost frantic worry. He sat down on the futon next to Steve. "I guess I was just so worried that you would hate me that I almost don't believe this is happening." And hell, since he had already committed to pouring out all of his feelings and letting the cards fall where they would, he added, "I don't know that I deserve to be with someone like you."

Steve's smile was so gentle that it almost hurt to look at. "First of all, it's just a date and sex. I want to do both, but we don't have to do either. Second, you sound like you're feeling really guilty. I swear your videos don't bother me that much!"

Bucky nodded, altogether miserable. He wasn't crying, but he had a feeling his eyes were red around the edges. The worry had just hit him so hard. "I'm sorry for ruining this."

"You haven't ruined anything," said Steve. He put a hand on Bucky's jaw, traced his cheek with his thumb. "We're still learning about each other."

"You seem pretty perfect to me," Bucky muttered, unable to meet Steve's eyes.

"Nah." Steve didn't force Bucky to look up, but something in his voice had Bucky staring back into his beautiful blue eyes. "Trust me, I've got my moments. You'll see. Especially when someone has a bad take. Not a particular fan of bullies, myself."

A laugh worked its way out of Bucky's chest. “Yeah, ok.” 

“So shall we pick up where we left off?” Steve asked, running his fingertips down Bucky’s neck, and Bucky nodded with a shiver.

It was like Steve's words turned over a switch, and his body was ready to go again.

"I believe," Steve said, with a bit of a shit-eating grin, "That you might have some condoms around here, yeah?"

Bucky raised an eyebrow. "Sure, though I might have used them as sandwich bags first."

"Psh. Your dick is the one going in it. Good luck!"

The carefree laughter bubbled up again and Bucky grinned. "Fair. Maybe I'll get one of the water balloon ones."

"Good thing I can't get pregnant from this. I'm sure those have gotten microscopic holes, just the perfect size for a sperm or ten."

"Please don't say that," Bucky groaned. "Now you've got me imagining someone at their obgyn saying, 'I can't be pregnant, we used a condom' and the doctor going, 'well did you use it as a water balloon first?' 'oh yes doctor, how did you know?'"

Steve laughed so hard that his cock shook, which had Bucky laughing so hard he could barely fish out an actual, unused in all ways condom. He tossed it on the futon and got out the lube.

"Oh, good, you do have an unused condom," Steve managed to say. "Guess you should have done _ 11 _ uses for condoms, huh?"

"Oh my god," Bucky said. He shook his head at Steve as he poured lube onto his finger. "I'm just going to shove my finger up your ass and I won't even feel bad."

Steve only laughed harder. It wasn't mocking; it was friendly and came from a place of being so comfortable with the situation that Bucky's heart actually melted a little. Just the tip.

He motioned for Steve to scoot up on the futon and situated himself between Steve's legs. "But seriously, tell me if I'm going too fast here, ok?"

Steve waggled his eyebrows at Bucky's cock. "Don't worry, big guy. I've got this. Back home, i've got a dildo nicknamed the Champ."

"Oh my god," Bucky said again, his whole body rolling with laughter. "I don't want to know! Too soon!"

"You're right," Steve agreed. "I should have saved that for a truly intimate time, like when we were at dinner in a crowded restaurant and not when you were knuckle deep in my ass."

So maybe Steve's sense of humor was too good, Bucky decided as he wriggled his finger inside of Steve. Fantasy Steve had never said much. Real Steve was amazing, even if he did have Bucky chuckling while fingering him, which is something he had never remembered doing when having sex with anyone else.

"That feels good, Bucky," Steve added. "You can go deeper if you want."

"Oh, good." Bucky pressed another finger into Steve's warm heat and waited to see if there was another joke heading his way.

Steve wiggled around against Bucky's fingers and nodded. "That's really good. I think I'm ready if you are."

Bucky had to do his best not to giggle as he tore open the condom and rolled it on. He remembered how Steve had stretched a condom in his first response video and couldn't help it. He giggled.

"Yeah, I'll never look at the condom the same thanks to you," Steve agreed. He made himself comfortable on Bucky's pillows and smiled up at him.

Squeezing out more lube, Bucky crawled between Steve's legs and lined up his cock head against Steve's relaxed hole. He pushed in, the satisfying little bit of resistance welcoming him.

Steve closed his eyes as Bucky eased in and their breathing was the only noise in the small apartment for a few minutes.

Bucky breathed out, not ashamed to admit he was insanely turned on already. He vibrated with need and when Steve opened his blue eyes, his pupils swallowing almost all of that color, he nearly lost it and came right then. 

"God you are gorgeous. It's insane. How are you even real?"

He was babbling, he knew. They hadn't even started to fuck properly, and he was gone. Steve's eyes were bottomless oceans and Bucky hadn't brought a life jacket. Being inside Steve was like wrapping himself up in a warm blanket just out of the dryer. It was like the summer sun gently warming everything in the evening before it set. 

Bucky savored the sensation as he slid out and back in, as he tried to find the right angle to get them both the most enjoyment, but mostly he just let himself drown in Steve's eyes, wrapped up with Steve's legs around his waist.

Steve's cock was trapped between their bodies and Steve canted his hips with Bucky's thrusts, trying to get more friction. Bucky reached down to wrap his hand around Steve's dick. The angle was a little different than getting himself off, and it'd been a long while since he'd given a handjob, but Bucky fell into a rhythm that worked.

"That's good," Steve agreed. "Oh, _ fuck. _ Good." His words came out in breathless syllables as Bucky fucked into him, gripping one of his hips for support.

"You're good," Bucky managed, trying to keep his enthusiasm from spilling out in too tight a grip over Steve's cock. 

Steve didn't seem to mind; he just grunted and groaned so sweetly under Bucky that Bucky wished they could just stay this way forever.

"Bucky," Steve began, a sudden call too late; he was already arching up as he came in Bucky's grip, cum striping Bucky's fingers and Steve's stomach. 

Bucky nodded, too far gone to form words. Steve came so beautifully that it hurt. It was like watching an artist create a masterpiece in the medium of cum. He clamped tight over Bucky's cock and Bucky fucked him slowly through his orgasm.

Steve lying there, boneless and blissed out in his post orgasm haze, was incredible. Bucky drank in every line of his body as he kept the slow rhythm for awhile longer. He floated along the waves of Steve's ocean. 

The gentle build of Bucky's orgasm was rapidly becoming impossible to ignore. It gathered, a pleasant warm pressure in his belly, and he went a little erratic as he tried to bring himself to completion. Steve smiled up at him, reached out and grabbed his balls, squeezing just enough to ignite Bucky and push him off the cliff. Bucky came deep inside Steve in long, hard pulses.

He all but collapsed onto Steve's chest and Steve's cum mixed with their sweat and they'd probably need to shower before they went to get anything to eat and who knows, maybe they'd just stay in for their first date. Bucky wasn't going to set anything in stone yet.

After a few minutes relaxing in Steve's arms, Bucky got to his knees again, pulling out and taking off the condom. He went to throw it out when Steve called out, "Wait!"

Bucky turned back to him. "What's up?"

Steve flashed a toothy grin. "You could start the beginning of '5 ways to reuse a condom.'"

"Oh my god, Steve!"

Bucky tossed the condom in the trash, maintaining eye contact with Steve the whole time. Steve just grinned, and Bucky had a feeling they were going to get along just fine.

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Feel free to come share in my confusion over bad hack videos on [twitter](https://twitter.com/Mystrana_)!


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